Yesterday, I was feeling awful. My face felt like it had bricks laying on it and I pretty much stayed immobile the entire day except to see the doctor, pick up my medicine, and show up to work for five minutes before throwing in the towel (yes, I suck at taking care of myself and should have called in rather than tried to go in, lessons learned, maybe. That's probably another blog altogether.)
But the most awful part of my day came when I had to make one more run to the store because my oldest son has a product fair coming up at school and needed supplies. Needless to say, my heart was not in to leaving the couch. The younger two started arguing in the backseat the moment we left the house. It only took me a block or so before I lost it.
“Guys, I can’t do this today. I feel horrible, I just want to sleep, but I’ve got to go to the store and all you guys want to do is argue which is making me really really upset.” I yelled and immediately felt awful for my tone. But it was the truth. Somehow, totally had to be by the strength of God, I was able to take a breath and continue in a much calmer voice, “We are a family. We’re supposed to be a team and help each other out. I’m not feeling well so if you could please not talk until we get to the store I would really appreciate it.”
My youngest asked if we could turn the radio on and not another word was said until we reached the store.
What’s my point for sharing this? Because my guess is that I'm not the only one that reaches a breaking point. In this moment, my sons were arguing with each other. They had nothing to say to me, they're beef was with each other. But because I was so frustrated with my current circumstances of being sick and not wanting to leave the house I reacted by yelling at them. The rest of the afternoon they concerned with how I was doing.
Maybe it’s the person paying in change at the grocery line when we are in a hurry, maybe it’s our kids laughing and playing loudly unaware that we have the weight of bills on our mind, maybe it’s an overly excited person when our day has sucked.
What’s interesting is that as selfish as us humans can be we don’t often realize that in these moments we are the issue not them. We might react by rolling our eyes, sighing deeply, yelling, or complaining.
How do we change this? How do we take ownership of our toxic hearts and fill them with love and empathy even on our worst days?
Well, I’m not sure how you do but I ask God for help. I pray that He slows me down, He reminds me to enjoy life, and He pours love through me. We were never designed to be ruled by our circumstances, that is a broken process of a broken world. We were designed to look past our current circumstances and hope for better through faith.
Love cannot be fully expressed without action. I suck at loving others when my own little world sucks. But when I focus on the bigger picture and the bigger God, I find it easier to love on others. I encourage you to tap into something bigger than yourself today. Tap into a God who is love and allow His love to pour through you.
If you're looking at life and there are some things that just suck, if you can't find light in the tunnel, I encourage you to click the button below and send me a prayer request. I don't have the answers, as you can clearly see from the beginning of this blog. But I believe that God sees you exactly where you are and wants you to know you are not alone. So, I will gladly join you in prayer for change.
Nicole Donoho, owner of Teddyfly LLC, enjoys writing stories for all ages. She currently lives in Northwest Arkansas where she takes in the beauty of the Natural State with her husband, Jacob, and their three sons-Elijah, Josiah, and Solomon.